Just one of those days / Human inventions I hate

"Woke up, got up, near eleven o'clock
butt naked except I was wearing my socks
and that's cool, 'cause most the time this floor is cold
stand up and stretch look around for my soul..."

Yeah, you know you love Atmosphere.

But seriously - I wake up this morning around eleven o'clock. And maybe i don't have any socks on, but you get the point.
I take a shower, eat me a sandwich and then suddenly stop to think for a second. I cock my head to the side - I'm odd like that. "Wasn't the train I wanted to catch...a 10:30?" I shrug and keep eating. So I'll be a half hour earlier instead of a half hour late.
I start thinking about plans I've made and plans I need to make. Things I need to do. How much I hate the shitty little things in life - they just poke me in the side a little, but they all do it at the same time, so I fall off my chair. I lose track of time.
11:15 - time to drive to the train - it's only five, ten minutes away. Right? Right. Hit a couple red lights, cruising through Bedford Hills..."What the...it's 11:30? Uh alright. Well the train probably isn't here yet." I look over at the tracks. "Whuh-oh. Looks like it just got here aaaaaand there it goes. Buh-bye." I shrug again. And then Hit my Head on the Steering Wheel. Whoops, gotta keep driving. That's what ya do on the road, y'know.
Drive down Railroad Avenue...may as well go home. Maybe I'll come in later....................or not at all. Yeah, that sounds much better. It's not like I'm getting paid or anything anyway. There. I just saved money I'd be spending on train fare and lunch. Sweeeeet. I'm just like any other guy - I love to make up justifiable reasons for doing things ex post facto. "What? We killed the entire tribe? Uh...what? Well uh....we're the chosen people...and stuff. God wanted us to do it. Damn straight it was our destiny." It's tons of fun.
I'm stuck behind an eighteen-wheeler doing its best to block the entire road as it backs into some garbage-filled parking lot. Oh yeah...that's why I never drive down this road.

Eventually I get back home and stare off into space for a while before realizing I've got travel plans to make for the next day and a shitload of other stuff to take care of. I get my *BRAND SPANKIN' NEW* speeding ticket out of the car finally and see that I had a court date yesterday. Huh? Already? Wait - since when do they put court dates on the actual tickets? Don't you send them in to get the court dates? I'm confused. Well, shit. Did I tell the story of how I got the ticket? Oh, it's a doozy. I'll save it, I guess. Oh and one of my older tickets seems to have resurfaced in the form of a court date that happens to be while I'm in Japan. Whoops. Oh where'd the number of that GASTROINTEROLOGIST go? Lost it? Eh...guess I'll have to give Doc What'shisface a call. Oh great - a computer answering machine. I leave a message. "Doc, my stomach is kicking the shit out of my intestines again. Yeah...uh...I think my gall bladder got caught in the crossfire. Whatever the hell that thing does. Oh. And that upper abdominal pain you told me to look out for? Well, about that..." I might add that my cell phone had no service throughout the whole day, so I spent most of the time wandering around my house and holding it up in random spots like an ass.

The most progress I made during this time was to make a list of things I really, really hate. And whattayaknow, they're all manmade inventions - all of which were made to make my life more convenient. WE WERE FINE BEFORE THIS SHIT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. No. I don't want a cookie. Go away. So here's the list:

-money in all its varying guises. especially credit cards. i have two.
-cars and all things associated with them. #1 in this category is the Jersey Turnpike. yep...it comes before the time I got a flat tire AND the time I almost died. though that did kinda suck.
-phones. i like to look at people when i'm talking to them. i also do this sometimes when i've never talked to people before, which creeps them the fuck out because apparently i make some weird faces.
-computer/tv/whatever screens. yeah...so i use these...i dunno...upwards of three hours a day at least. probably a lot more, some days.

So there's my list of things I hate / "need to survive in the modern world". In short, I am ultra-conservative: I don't just think we shouldn't be progressive - I think we need to move BACKWARDS. Yeah. Mesolithic man never had any problems. He went out and got himself some food and it didn't cost him a dime. He didn't give a shit about too much else. He probably slept a lot. Daily life was a workout, so he didn't need to go to the gym or anything. Getting laid every once in a while was a plus. And he didn't get any fucking speeding tickets.