...Motivation and inspiration

I have this problem.
I can't make things I want to make. Well, that's a lie - I can, but only in certain situations and it's generally not completely what i originally wanted it to be. See, it's not an issue of creativity - it's a problem of a) making physical products out of ideas i have and b) working up the motivation and inspiration to do it with the right energy. I have soooo many ideas in my head at any given time that sketching and fleshing them out is a really daunting task. granted, most of the ideas suck, but there are still a lot of them. it's for this reason that i sometimes get more done when i'm a little tired - I turn off my brain a bit. so that helps me get started, but making a work into something i like is a bit more difficult. i'm pretty tired now, so i'm not really thinking as i type, but i could not do something right now that i'd really appreciate tomorrow. but here i am rationalizing my own sloth - i haven't started a painting yet this summer and i keep saying i will. i helped Damian paint some things but I don't much count that as something I myself have done.

While I'm rationalizing, I may as well throw out the other thought about producing works - and that's what I've started to think of as something of a dreamer complex. When I visualize an idea in my head, it's clear in concept, but physically foggy. I'm sure a lot of people have this problem, and some probably just deem it normal, but it bothers me. I have this idea that seems crystal clear, but when i put it on paper i'm not sure where to begin; how it will look. It's the same as when I try to draw something I saw in a dream - it's always too foggy to come out correctly. Maybe i should just be doing all my work in photoshop and blurring it all. Now there's an idea.

In the end, if none of this stops me, I still have to have the inspiration to make the most out of my idea and the motivation to come through, which is possibly the hardest part, hearkening back all the way to elementary school. The irritating part is that when I'm busy and working on something I don't want to be doing, I feel as though I could rip out a million things I would like and still have energy left over. But when I'm just being lazy and not doing anything, starting, not to mention finishing something is near impossible for me. It's completely ridiculous. This is possibly the biggest problem I have right now, and it's tied into my inability to concentrate most of the time. In short, I'm just like everyone else from my generation. And yes, it bothers me.



watched...
Jumanji
Mighty Ducks
Grosse Pointe Blank
Can't Hardly Wait
(yes, it's been one of those days. and no, i don't feel like watching anything critically acclaimed again just yet.)
((and also yes, i realize that grosse pointe blank doesn't fit the profile here so well))

reading...
are you fuckin kidding me? but i'm gonna start Battle Royale the novel soon.
Also I've been reading Blade of the Immortal...which is pretty stock action, but has great artwork.

listening to...
everything ever alphabetically between Bright Eyes and Camper Von Beethoven.